"I want your New Year’s resolution to be you telling me information willingly without me having to rip it out of you like I’m raping you every night"
— David, directed towards me because I actually enjoy sitting in silence sometimes
20GB of victorian Kitten porn, this will be a good night after all

(so old I have no idea where it came from) You’re too cute.  

 Thank you, I sacrifice a goat daily to remain eternally young. 

What are you majoring in?

 Well, Radiation therapy which I feel into because I pussed out freshman year and decided I wasn’t going to become a pediatrician. but I enjoy it a lot, so I’m happy. 

Suck it Trebek.

Amber, I’m taking away your TV privileges for the week 

locustreign:

tilforever:

leftatwonderland:

(via mothmilk)
You Can’t Leave Me!!
I’m With Child!!

i can’t stop laughing

how much?

I have never been more terrified and amazed at the same time 

locustreign:

tilforever:

leftatwonderland:

(via mothmilk)

You Can’t Leave Me!!

I’m With Child!!

i can’t stop laughing

how much?

I have never been more terrified and amazed at the same time 

WHY am I watching a Lifetime movie?
  • Amber: How was your day today?
  • Me: Crappy, I had to cut 60 boxes of corn
  • Amber: What?
  • Me: I had to cut 60 boxes of corn
  • Amber: Oh I thought you said you bought 60 boxes of porn.
Very tired from work, happen to be stuck on floor

Very tired from work, happen to be stuck on floor

"We should be drunk right now"
— David [1:28 AM]
1 of 120
Themed by: Hunson